Are you better now?

Are you better now?

This is every chronically ill patients worst nightmare question.

Please don't expect me to get better... You will only be bitterly disappointed... I know I am.

There are many ways to answer this question. The most polite versions don't come to mind as quickly as the rude, curt and short ones.

For me my mind often wanders to 'well I feel better than 10 minutes ago when I was banging my head against the wall because it felt like someone was using a drill to operate on my head'

I will have ups and downs- hopefully more ups than downs!

I can even hope for periods of remission but I will never be better.

I will tell you where my problems starts with this question.. .A lot of the time that people think I'm 'better' or 'ok' I am suffering silently. People only know there's a problem when I'm really struggling to cope.

Daily I have a plethora of symptoms that would stop most people in their tracks... They stopped me in my tracks for the first few years but you learn to cope, you have to. If you didn't it would stop you from having any life at all.

So when you ask if I'm better, I'm not. But I might be feeling better, still silently coping with exhaustion, tremors, a background pain that won't go away.

I appreciate that this puts you in an awkward position... You are asking out of genuine concern for my well being but I'm sure you can understand my frustration at being asked if I'm better when that is the one thing i will never be.