getting a seat...

I don't like being disabled. I want to hide it from the world and I compensate and adjust to make my illness as invisible as possible.  I want to be ‘normal’ just like everybody else. I’m not too sure who I am kidding!

Then there are those other times when you wish you had a big sign on your head that said 'I'm disabled’.  Mainly when life is so hard that you need something or someone to help you out.

My best example of this is public transport. I don't drive so I am often found on public transport all over the UK. I am a very competent and confident traveller but one thing causes me problems. The ‘priority seating’... Or lack of it!

Most regularly, at the moment, I travel on the Nottingham tram network (NET). There are 6 priority seats on this service and two 'bays' for wheelchair users. They even identify the best door to use on their platforms with a logo of a wheelchair.  Probably the best disabled access local transport service I have used.

My journey is 25 minutes long and I usually can't stand on a 'wobbly' tram for that long. So I sit in the priority seats. I feel that I am justified in doing so. I am pretty sure that not everybody who chooses to sit there is as justified though. This is fine on a quiet journey, but on a busy service where there are no other seats available for those less able to stand this can be an issue.

I have seen some disgusting examples of rudeness. I often see ladies with prams turn the other way to avoid eye contact with wheelchair users joining the tram so that they don’t have to move to make way for the wheelchair.

I have been on the receiving end of people who have made assumptions about me. Sadly, older people don’t come out of my next two examples well… this is not my view on all old people.

I was sat on the ‘please give up these seats for those less able to stand’ seats at the front of a bus… when a number of ‘old ladies’ got on. Each and every one of them tutted as they walked past me. They then continued to talk (loudly) about me, questioning why was I sitting in a seat for the elderly (it’s not just for the elderly), for the entire journey and how important these seats are to them. Can I just say that if any of these ladies was clearly struggling to walk further than the seats I was on I would have moved. They were all however carrying more shopping bags that I could have managed.  As I stood up and they saw for certain I was ‘not disabled’ their commentary carried on, so I turned and politely asked them to consider that not all physical disabilities can be seen.  They were quiet. I left.  I hope they thought about what I said and treated others with more respect.

On another occasion a lady sat behind me and again tutted at my presence on the ‘please give up these seats for those less able to stand’ seats. I can’t remember why but I was in a bad mood on this occasion, so I took my disabled pass out of my pocket and showed it to her, letting her know I was entitled to sit here her assuming that this would be enough for her to leave me be. Instead, she looked me up and down and said ‘I didn’t realise being fat was a disability now’. I was devastated. I don’t hide the fact that 8 years of treatment, being housebound and being miserable has made me put on a lot of weight (that I am currently in the process of losing! 21kg (46lb) lost in 14 weeks… round of applause for Katie please!). As you can imagine, this incident not only ruined my day but it added to already escalating self-esteem and depression problems.

But here lies my dilemma... our illnesses are hidden by their very nature and where there are more visible issues If I try to hide them I'm sure others do too. When I feel that I need a seat and want to utilise one of the priority seats, how do I politely ask people for a priority seat if I don't know if they need the seat too?!?!

I'm quite a shy person, but I know that if someone asked me for my priority seat I would go one of two ways. Bite their head off saying please don't assume I'm not disabled because you don't see it... Or I would get up and stand at the detriment of my own health for the rest of my journey to avoid embarrassment.

I often need a seat on a busy train, bus or tram, but I am yet to ask anyone to let me sit down. I don’t know if I ever will. My disability is on the whole hidden, but so are many other peoples. I don’t want to insult anyone.

If you are reading this and you are not disabled, please, where you can, think about who might need the seats that are allocated for those less able to stand and be willing to give it up when asked.