My other marriage.

I have been happily married to my wife for nearly 4 years with 14 years together under our belt. I wouldn’t say it was perfect but for us it is… the sun has not always shone on our life but we have been cosy under our umbrella while the rain has fallen around us.  

I do however have another marriage, one that I didn’t enter into in the same way as my ‘conventional’ marriage.  I didn’t choose it. I didn’t want it. At times I felt violated by it. Now… well now I live with it.

We make it work, most of the time it’s harmonious. Whatever happens we are in it in sickness and in health til death do us part!

My other partners name? Cluster Headaches

Like most relationships it took time to perfect the dance we do as a couple now. Once I had accepted it was here to stay, which took time and counselling, my counsellor introduced the idea of a relationship with the illness. At first the idea appalled me. Like I said this ‘thing’ had come into my life uninvited and had ripped my life apart from the inside. But it was staying, there seemed very little anyone could do to make it go away so I embraced the idea.

Now we both have our own commitments to the relationship.

My vows include; remaining hydrated, taking all my medication, resting when I need to, eating when I need to, and making sure I always have a supply of oxygen, not over doing it and lots more…

Cluster headaches commit to being predictable, sticking to its ‘normal’ attack times during the day, it agrees to respond to oxygen and leave me alone the rest of the time.

Most of the time we do this dance well, then something will happen. I will overdo it, not drink enough, or miss a dose of meds. Then cluster headaches will repay me by acting up, attacking during the day, knocking me out for hours. I respond appropriately by not doing that again for a while… I become super-efficient and compliant. And our relationship is harmonious once more.

Then there are the times that I’ve got plans and for no reason cluster headaches sets out to ruin it. I then rebel as an act of defiance (yes you have guessed what comes next). I rebel by not taking my meds properly, not taking care of myself (yes I know… I’m apparently an intelligent woman; surely I know where this is going!) So I get sicker and go back to being super-efficient and compliant. Once again harmony is restored.

So it’s not a conventional relationship, it’s probably not the healthiest of relationships, But I have made a lifelong commitment to treat Cluster headaches with as much respect as I can muster and I genuinely believe that for the most part my cluster headaches are trying to keep up their end of the deal too.

I get angry, wow do I get angry. I hate the attacks, the pain, but that’s only a part of the condition like the bad habits of a person you live with. This condition is my lifelong companion, we’re not perfect but we make it work. It may have hurt me, but it’s also made me the person I am today, strong and determined to make a difference… see it’s not all bad.