This week is ‘National
Carer’s Week 2014’… what a perfect excuse to say Thank you to those who take care of
us.
They are amazing human beings. I
have Cluster headaches and other health conditions but those around me are
living with it too. I am never going to get used to the idea that I need a
carer. I don’t want one. I want to be free and independent. I want to have a
wife not a carer but she is both to me and I’m glad she has willingly taken
both jobs!
This is an unusual post for me, but I think its an important one. If
you have someone in your life who cares for you maybe find 5 minutes this week
to thank them for what they do for you.
But the word Thank
you doesn’t cut it really… there is so much that is done, said, sacrificed and
achieved as a carer. More than I really appreciate, more than our friends and
family appreciate and more than even my carers can see. The tasks undertaken by our carers are more
than other people see… so much more that we want then to have to do, but
without them our lives and our families would fall apart.
I don’t just want to
say the words Thank you… they seem empty after saying them for so long. A card
seems too boring/mainstream… so I’ve had my thinking hat on and I’m going to
try and say thank you differently.
So today marks day
one of my week of creative and inspired
ways of saying thank you to the woman who has been my rock. Others have been a
constant source of love and support she has carried me.
I can’t say (in this
post anyway) what I have in store… but I hope it will go a little way to making
her realize how much I appreciate her and her sacrifices.
First, I do want to
publically say thanks for all she has done! She might not be keen on this
public declaration of my thanks, but without it, how will people know all that
she has done with and for me.
Dear Shell, my wife,
my best friend and my carer.
I need to Thank you…
there are so many things you have done for me, sacrificed for me and supported
me through, I hope the week ahead goes some way to me showing you how much I appreciate
you and everything you are and do.
Time … There have
been days and weeks and months where I have spent every day in attack after
attack after attack… yet every time I open my eyes there you are. You must have
been bored to tears but you never left my side. Thank you Shell.
Emotional punchbag
…when life gets too hard for me, I take it out on you. You are my emotional punchbag.
I have said things to you that I regret, I have said things that hurt you and I
am sorry. I thank you for not walking away, for not turning your back, when
many other people would have done.
Love… We fell in
love when I was 20. I was a youthful, adventurous, determined and loving ‘girl’.
I was a little older and wiser when I was diagnosed 6 years later, but the
woman who stands before you now is a million miles from that person. I’m Physically
so different, I’m riddled with side effects, weight gain and exhaustion. I’m mentally
broken, I see the world differently, I see me differently. Bottom line, I’m
different. You still love me. You still look at me the same way you did 14
years ago. Your love is better than any drug that the NHS has ever found for
me. I love you too. Thank you for loving me Shell. I love you for still seeing
the girl you fell in love with … you make be believe she is still in here
somewhere!
Sacrifice’s…I can’t
list let alone count all the sacrifice’s you have made for me. You have missed
out on so much. Your career, your education, your own health. I know It doesn’t
ever make up for what you have lost, and you miss the things missing in your
life. You have not been doing nothing, you have not achieved nothing with your
life. You saved my life, on more than one occasion. I would not be here without
you.
Tablet duty… you
have sat and sorted my tablets for hours on end making sure I have a constant
supply and more importantly that I take them even when I have rebelled against
them. The course of my illness could have been different without this care and diligence.
Acceptance… You,
from day one believed how bad this illness was. You have never dismissed any
sign, symptom or mood. You take it seriously when it is serious; you calm me
when I’m over thinking or over emotionalizing it. You have let me go on my own
very personal journey, but you have been there at every step accepting and
living this illness with me. Your patience
and understanding have been pillars of strength to me.
Still being here
despite it all… I have told you to leave; I’ve asked you and begged you to
leave me, probably 100 times. You could have had a very different life, you
could have had all you dreamed of… but you chose to stay in this life with me
and my illness… I’m so glad you stayed, if im honest I never wanted you to go, I
just wanted you to be happy. I am trapped by this illness, you are not. You stayed
out of love… I love you xxxxxxxx
We have created a
home, a relationship and a life that is growing and changing and is filled with
love, patience, acceptance and giving. Our future is so exciting Shell.
Love always
Me xxx
This week there is
also one other special person who has been my full and part time carer at
different times over the last 8 years but she has been my mum for 34 years!
My mum must have
clocked up 10’s of 1000’s of miles driving me everywhere I have needed to be!
Her poor car… her poor petrol bill … her time… her patience. She has also been
an emotional rock for me and for shell. You always know what to say, to make us
feel better or gain a little perspective. The multiple sacrifices that you have made,
financial, practical and other things have never once been mentioned… Thank you
mum. We love you and dad so so much too!
Every day 6,000 people take on a new caring role in the
UK. Up and down the UK there are 6.5 million people caring unpaid for an ill,
frail or disabled family member or friend. These people are called carers but
they would probably say "I'm just being a husband, a wife, a mum, a dad, a
son, a daughter, a friend or a good neighbour." (http://www.carersweek.org/about-carers/what-is-caring
graphics also from this website)
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